Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
