She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Your cock deserves a montage
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
