bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize