Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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