He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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