I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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