i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
