You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They are going to name an STD after you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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