I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
