Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's the barista slut.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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