ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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