But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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