i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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