Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
