I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
