2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
