I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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