The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
