I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
