She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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