i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
