Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im part way to drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
