I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
