She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize