we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
