How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
