Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
