the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
