i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
