If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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