Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
