do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize