Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
