If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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