i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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