Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
