You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Randomize