There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
