omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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