Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
