I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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