I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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