And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
