The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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