his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
