you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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