Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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