I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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