i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize