Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
