I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
