Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
