margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I did not marry a roomba.
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