I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
