forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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