Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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