things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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