DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
