I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
