At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
