My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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