forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
