I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
