i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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