the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize